If You Give a Squirrel a Pizza Dedicated to Dr. Griddy by Tanner Smith

If You Give a Squirrel a Pizza Dedicated to Dr. Griddy by Tanner Smith
Photo by Danielle-Claude Bélanger / Unsplash

If you give a squirrel a pizza, he’ll ask you for a drink,
so you’ll get him a glass of water from the kitchen sink.
When he finishes the water, he’ll ask you for a towel
to wipe off all the greasy grease that makes his tummy growl.
Then, once he’s squeaky clean, he’ll want a second slice.
It tasted oh so nice, and now he wants it twice!
When he finishes the second, he’ll ask you for another
with pepperoni on the top to bring home to his brother.
If you give one to his brother, word will spread throughout the town,
and soon the squirrels from every tree will come on down!
You’ll give one to his friend, his niece, and then his distant cousin.
You’ll beg the squirrels, “Go in peace! I only have a dozen!”
But more will keep on showing up, as every squirrel talks,
so when they’ve taken all of it, there’s just an empty box!
The squirrels will then decide they’ve had enough of eating nuts.
They’ll want more pizza, even if it messes with their guts.
No longer quiet in disgust, a riot will combust.
They’ll steal the people’s pizza, and they’ll even eat the crust!
But it will not be long before they start to feel bereft,
as soon, there won’t be any slices left.
They’ll climb back up the trees, bellies full of greasy toppings
They’ll feel a little queasy when they make their squirrel droppings.
The squirrel will come back to you with quite the stomach ache.
He’ll tell you that he’s sorry and that he made a mistake.
He’ll wonder what you’re holding and he’ll ask to take a look.
Of course, you’ll tell him, “Yes!” and then you’ll give the squirrel a book.
He’ll struggle with the words, so you’ll teach him how to read.
Within a day, he’ll read aloud, “O, reason not the need!”
Then, once again, his furry friends will show up in masses.
They’ll all enroll in school and attend each of your classes!
One day, the squirrel will be at lunch deciding what to eat.
He’ll ask you for a pizza…just one slice as a treat.