"A Senior's Spiral" by Jillian Kardoes
August 15th, 2025
Dear Registrar,
Despite my better judgement, I have decided to return for my final semester. In fact, I am actually excited to embark on this final chapter before I can fully enter into the real world outside of these walls of never-ending homework. Wish me luck.
Jillian
August 22nd, 2025
Dear Registrar,
As I suspected would happen, I am rapidly changing my opinion on this semester and am questioning my sanity for trying to do an actual job with consequences while trying to do a thesis. A thesis is hard. Life is hard. But fear not! While I am tempted to just submit all of my withdrawal paper already, I will in fact succeed
Jillian
September 14th, 2025
Dear Registrar,
Not only am I thriving, but I am also interested in adding a couple more classes. While I know that the add deadline has passed, I would like to know the possibility of doing some wiggling. I have never juggled so many responsibilities with such complete success. I am an academic weapon, the likes of which have never been seen before in these buildings that house questionable students, faux lady bugs, and edible things that legally qualify as food. Yet, behold my wonder! I am the most mature of adults, and nothing will be able to stop me!
Jillian
September 29th, 2025
Dear Registrar,
I’m writing this as my formal resignation from the University of the Waldorf. I’m going to pursue my dreams of being a moss or fungi as I so desperately desire. I will be throwing all of my current textbooks into the pond and setting the homework alight with the fury of years’ anguish. I shall dance around them clothed only in the sweat upon my skin and the nakedness I wore into this world, chanting in the moonlight before I lose my few remaining brain cells that contain some semblance of life. I wish to escape this establishment before I infect my madness upon the sweet, innocent, hopeful freshmen who walk these grounds, yearning for a higher education and hoping to reveal their purpose in this world. I am become madness, the mistress of chaos. I will no longer conform to the false pretenses of the ivory tower and its condescension. I will maintain my authentic self with the whimsy and the never-ending spiral of an eldest daughter carrying a guilt complex. Weep not for me, instead rejoice for I have liberated myself from this hell and freed myself from the shackles of MLA and word counts that have haunted my dreams these many years past. I will walk under the rain and climb the tower during the lightning storm, knowing I cannot be touched for now the metal shards in my mind will have fled me. I shall run only as far as my fancy may lead, may that be to the marshes infected with the winged bloodsuckers which dance the macarena with me. I will leap into the river and let the leeches lean on me as we light upon the public. I will crawl with the cockroaches and laugh with the hysteria that bubbles and churns within. All of this to say I will not be attending my lectures this week.
Thanks!
Jillian
October 2nd, 2025
Dear Registrar,
Please disregard my previous email.
Apologies for the inconvenience,
Jillian
Jillian Kardoes is a Senior majoring in History and English with a Creative Writing Minor. She can be recognized around campus by her large, eyesore of a bag that carries her current textile project.